I have had "update blog" on my to-do list for quite some time, but have just moved it further and further down the list (obviously). Since our last post a lot has happened and we were excited about sharing news of a potential adoption with all of you. Like I said, we were excited about it....until it all fell apart last week.
I could rehash all of the details for you, but that won't do anything to change the situation and it will certainly make me feel worse, not better. Instead, I would like to tell you all about the process of adoption: why it takes so long, why we rarely feel like we have any (good) news to share, and why it isn't a process for the faint of heart and will certainly challenge the strongest among us.
The process to get to the approval to put yourself out there to be matched with someone is long and arduous. We interviewed a number of agencies and decided to focus on Independent Adoption, so we hired an attorney. Then came the home-study. Luckily, we were able to work with an amazing social worker who made the process less scary. She ran an adoption agency for many years and is an adoptive mother herself, so she "gets it" and was great in guiding us along. The paperwork was lengthy, the interviews were intrusive and the waiting felt like an eternity - even though in reality it was just a few months. Once we got our approval we were able to start advertising. See "Pick Us, Pick Us" for more on that...
Once the approval came we posted our profile, started this blog, did our photo books and told everyone we know to tell everyone they know. Then the waiting began (and continues). For adoptions done through an agency, prospective adoptive parents have to do many of the same things. Regardless of how the advertising gets accomplished, we all end up waiting. Waiting for a call or an email or a text. Waiting for what I describe as "the most important interview of our lives".
Some people wait months, others wait for years, and then there is the group that it just doesn't ever happen for. I hope you can all understand why we often have no updates or cringe when asked, "Have you heard anything?" or "Hasn't anyone picked you yet?". Trust me, as slacky as I have been in updating this blog, you will all know when we become parents. If you don't hear us shouting it from the roof of the hospital, then you will certainly see an update pop up here!
The process is exhausting AND exhilarating, exciting AND nerve-wracking, emotional, stressful, and challenging. I think "challenging" may be the best descriptor. It has challenged our beliefs, our faith, our ability to trust people, my love for having control over my own life ;-), and our ability to see past the present. When we get a call we get a rush of adrenaline and if the conversation evolves into more we have to temper our excitement and hope with some reality. Unfortunately, there are many people who have no problem trying to scam or con potential adoptive parents. There are many things I could say about those people, but I will simply say that being that ill and/or cruel must make for a torturous life. A life that will never know joy, love or peace and for that, I pity them.
We were so sure of this situation that we bought plane tickets, started ordering furniture and had our families and close friends working busily away on projects. And not to mention our plans for the future for our new family. We know there are brighter days ahead and we know that we will be parents one day, we just have to get past this first.
I am supposed to be working on an extra credit paper for school, not writing this post, but I felt it was important to share what has been going on. Also, I know that many of you know people who are on this crazy train with us and I hope you can reflect on our experience when talking with them or asking them how things are going. We are happy to talk with anyone about this process and the ups and downs, but we just need to take a minute to recover from this. As I have been writing I have been listening to my ipod and heard a song that I'm sure I've listened to hundreds of times, but the lyrics stuck with me and I want to share them.
"There will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears.
And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears.
Get over your hill and see what you find there, with grace in your heart and flowers in your hair."
~After the Storm by Mumford & Sons
We have learned a lot through this process - some of it good and some of it awful. Honestly, we have learned and experienced things I wish we had never been exposed to, but it is what it is and are where we are. I can say that I feel tremendously blessed to be married to Craig and to be surrounded by our family and friends. Craig isn't just an amazing human being and husband, he is so much more and will no doubt be an incredible dad. Everyday he shows me more love and compassion than I ever could have imagined possible and I look forward to sharing that with our future children.
Like I said, adoption isn't for the faint of heart and has challenged the strongest among us, but we'll realize our dream and we can't wait that share that with you too.
