We started the year with hope that we would be wrapping it up as parents, but we've learned (repeatedly) that nothing about this process is in our control or on our schedule.
After a year of excitement, hope, vulnerability, frustration, disappointment, annoyance, hope (again), letting go of control and finally, peace we are ready to move on to 2012. So, SO ready to move on to a new year!
We have no way of knowing what the new year will bring, but we are ready for it and are looking forward to all of the fun events ahead! From the weddings to the fun house projects to the family trip to Texas to see my sister graduate from basic training (Yay Allie!!) and basically anything other than working on a photobook. :-)
May 2012 bring great things to all of us. May it bring the country together; may it bring our troops home; may it keep my brother in law home from his deployment; and for the love of Pete, may it bring us parenthood!
Happy New Year!!
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Friday, November 25, 2011
Keep on truckin'
Last weekend we had the pleasure of visiting Spokane for an adoption seminar with the agency we have decided to work with. We didn't know what to expect, but thought we would either walk away really excited about the agency, or we would be back at square one (AGAIN). Luckily, the seminar was great and we met five other couples who are starting the process with the agency as well.
It was really nice to meet other people who are in the same position we are as this process can quickly become isolating and emotionally draining. We also got to meet three birth moms, one birth dad and two adoptive moms, which was really helpful.
In addition to feeling really positive after leaving the seminar, we discovered that we really like Spokane AND we got to see some snow! We only have one final step before we can go into the waiting pool - where we hope to just take a quick dip. :-)
We had some great laughs and a lot of relaxation, but my favorite part was when Craig told me that he feels optimistic again. Hurray for rediscovering hope for our future family and faith in the adoption process! Now, back to the photo book...
It was really nice to meet other people who are in the same position we are as this process can quickly become isolating and emotionally draining. We also got to meet three birth moms, one birth dad and two adoptive moms, which was really helpful.
In addition to feeling really positive after leaving the seminar, we discovered that we really like Spokane AND we got to see some snow! We only have one final step before we can go into the waiting pool - where we hope to just take a quick dip. :-)
We had some great laughs and a lot of relaxation, but my favorite part was when Craig told me that he feels optimistic again. Hurray for rediscovering hope for our future family and faith in the adoption process! Now, back to the photo book...
Monday, October 31, 2011
Control. We miss it.
Whoops! We almost let a month pass without a post...we're obviously really good at this blogging thing.
If you read the title then you won't be surprised to learn that we are a wee tad frustrated with not having any control over this MAJOR portion of our lives.
When we started this process we had a list of things to complete - for our attorney, our home study and our profile (and this frequently updated blog 😁). Once we finished everything on our list we were bursting with excitement. Then we were told it was time to wait and we were fine with that - initially.
We now know that we are are awesome when we are faced with a task that we can complete and not so great with the old "wait and see" approach. We keep telling ourselves we had to learn this lesson and that things will happen when the time is right, but that doesn't make this waiting phase any less frustrating (or annoying).
Hopefully we'll have a much more exciting November post. Who knows, we may even go crazy and post twice in November...you just can't predict when we may start doing some hardcore blogging around these parts! Until we are bitten by the blogging bug we'll just continue waiting. 😉
If you read the title then you won't be surprised to learn that we are a wee tad frustrated with not having any control over this MAJOR portion of our lives.
When we started this process we had a list of things to complete - for our attorney, our home study and our profile (and this frequently updated blog 😁). Once we finished everything on our list we were bursting with excitement. Then we were told it was time to wait and we were fine with that - initially.
We now know that we are are awesome when we are faced with a task that we can complete and not so great with the old "wait and see" approach. We keep telling ourselves we had to learn this lesson and that things will happen when the time is right, but that doesn't make this waiting phase any less frustrating (or annoying).
Hopefully we'll have a much more exciting November post. Who knows, we may even go crazy and post twice in November...you just can't predict when we may start doing some hardcore blogging around these parts! Until we are bitten by the blogging bug we'll just continue waiting. 😉
Thursday, September 8, 2011
Go Ahead - Read All About Us
**Friendly disclaimer - This is the kind of update that my mom would compare to a far-too-detailed Christmas letter so read on at your own risk. :-) **
We don't really have any "adoption news" to update, but the last post was kind of a downer, so I thought it was time to update you on the goings-on of the old Tudors... ;-)
After the situation detailed in the last post fell apart we decided it was time to have some fun and enjoy summer in Seattle. Seems like an easy task, no?! Well, it would have been A LOT easier if summer had decided to show up sometime in June or July. Instead, we had to wait (with much anticipation) until August. That being said, the last 5 weeks have been beautiful and totally worth the wait!
I finished school in June and decided to tackle my mountain of "fun" books that had been mocking me for the last year while I was engrossed in text books. I am happy to say I have finished over 30 of them and have 5 more just begging to be read! Craig has also spent a lot of time reading, but he doesn't keep track of the number because he isn't nutty like I am.
We had a really fun Fourth of July pool party, a few BBQ's, and let's not forget the good times that were had at Craig's birthday party! And then there was the all important birthday celebration at the bouncy house. Yes, the BOUNCY HOUSE! If there is anything more fun than racing through a bouncy house obstacle course while crying from laughing so hard, I certainly haven't experienced it. And if any of you are having bouncy house parties and you want to laugh at someone, invite this girl!
We also had a really fun visit with my parents for the week of my birthday. It was great fun to hang out with them and they spoiled Cooper rotten. It's taken about a week for Coop to get back on track and knock off his naughty behavior that my parents encouraged. :-) While my folks were here Craig and I went on a whale watching tour and saw the "L Pod" of Orcas around San Juan Island. It was an incredible experience and I have come to the conclusion that the best job in the world is that of a tour boat captain. How amazing would it be to wake up every morning, go out on a boat with excited people, hang out in the sun and then just coast along while watching Orcas swim all around you?! BEST JOB EVER!
Since we like to really pack celebrations in, we also celebrated our birthdays (including Cooper's 4th) AND our sixth anniversary. We sure know how to live it up around here! We can't believe we have been married for six years ~ it has honestly gone by in the blink of an eye. We feel very blessed to have the marriage that we have and the life that we share.
So there you have it, the exciting summer happenings of the Tudors! We are hopeful that next year we'll share our summer with a baby (or two!) and that our "updates" will be much more interesting, but for now this is all you get. Now, aren't you happy you continued reading after seeing my disclaimer?!
We don't really have any "adoption news" to update, but the last post was kind of a downer, so I thought it was time to update you on the goings-on of the old Tudors... ;-)
After the situation detailed in the last post fell apart we decided it was time to have some fun and enjoy summer in Seattle. Seems like an easy task, no?! Well, it would have been A LOT easier if summer had decided to show up sometime in June or July. Instead, we had to wait (with much anticipation) until August. That being said, the last 5 weeks have been beautiful and totally worth the wait!
I finished school in June and decided to tackle my mountain of "fun" books that had been mocking me for the last year while I was engrossed in text books. I am happy to say I have finished over 30 of them and have 5 more just begging to be read! Craig has also spent a lot of time reading, but he doesn't keep track of the number because he isn't nutty like I am.
We had a really fun Fourth of July pool party, a few BBQ's, and let's not forget the good times that were had at Craig's birthday party! And then there was the all important birthday celebration at the bouncy house. Yes, the BOUNCY HOUSE! If there is anything more fun than racing through a bouncy house obstacle course while crying from laughing so hard, I certainly haven't experienced it. And if any of you are having bouncy house parties and you want to laugh at someone, invite this girl!
We also had a really fun visit with my parents for the week of my birthday. It was great fun to hang out with them and they spoiled Cooper rotten. It's taken about a week for Coop to get back on track and knock off his naughty behavior that my parents encouraged. :-) While my folks were here Craig and I went on a whale watching tour and saw the "L Pod" of Orcas around San Juan Island. It was an incredible experience and I have come to the conclusion that the best job in the world is that of a tour boat captain. How amazing would it be to wake up every morning, go out on a boat with excited people, hang out in the sun and then just coast along while watching Orcas swim all around you?! BEST JOB EVER!
Since we like to really pack celebrations in, we also celebrated our birthdays (including Cooper's 4th) AND our sixth anniversary. We sure know how to live it up around here! We can't believe we have been married for six years ~ it has honestly gone by in the blink of an eye. We feel very blessed to have the marriage that we have and the life that we share.
So there you have it, the exciting summer happenings of the Tudors! We are hopeful that next year we'll share our summer with a baby (or two!) and that our "updates" will be much more interesting, but for now this is all you get. Now, aren't you happy you continued reading after seeing my disclaimer?!
Sunday, June 12, 2011
Adoption...it's not for the faint of heart
I have had "update blog" on my to-do list for quite some time, but have just moved it further and further down the list (obviously). Since our last post a lot has happened and we were excited about sharing news of a potential adoption with all of you. Like I said, we were excited about it....until it all fell apart last week.
I could rehash all of the details for you, but that won't do anything to change the situation and it will certainly make me feel worse, not better. Instead, I would like to tell you all about the process of adoption: why it takes so long, why we rarely feel like we have any (good) news to share, and why it isn't a process for the faint of heart and will certainly challenge the strongest among us.
The process to get to the approval to put yourself out there to be matched with someone is long and arduous. We interviewed a number of agencies and decided to focus on Independent Adoption, so we hired an attorney. Then came the home-study. Luckily, we were able to work with an amazing social worker who made the process less scary. She ran an adoption agency for many years and is an adoptive mother herself, so she "gets it" and was great in guiding us along. The paperwork was lengthy, the interviews were intrusive and the waiting felt like an eternity - even though in reality it was just a few months. Once we got our approval we were able to start advertising. See "Pick Us, Pick Us" for more on that...
Once the approval came we posted our profile, started this blog, did our photo books and told everyone we know to tell everyone they know. Then the waiting began (and continues). For adoptions done through an agency, prospective adoptive parents have to do many of the same things. Regardless of how the advertising gets accomplished, we all end up waiting. Waiting for a call or an email or a text. Waiting for what I describe as "the most important interview of our lives".
Some people wait months, others wait for years, and then there is the group that it just doesn't ever happen for. I hope you can all understand why we often have no updates or cringe when asked, "Have you heard anything?" or "Hasn't anyone picked you yet?". Trust me, as slacky as I have been in updating this blog, you will all know when we become parents. If you don't hear us shouting it from the roof of the hospital, then you will certainly see an update pop up here!
The process is exhausting AND exhilarating, exciting AND nerve-wracking, emotional, stressful, and challenging. I think "challenging" may be the best descriptor. It has challenged our beliefs, our faith, our ability to trust people, my love for having control over my own life ;-), and our ability to see past the present. When we get a call we get a rush of adrenaline and if the conversation evolves into more we have to temper our excitement and hope with some reality. Unfortunately, there are many people who have no problem trying to scam or con potential adoptive parents. There are many things I could say about those people, but I will simply say that being that ill and/or cruel must make for a torturous life. A life that will never know joy, love or peace and for that, I pity them.
We were so sure of this situation that we bought plane tickets, started ordering furniture and had our families and close friends working busily away on projects. And not to mention our plans for the future for our new family. We know there are brighter days ahead and we know that we will be parents one day, we just have to get past this first.
I am supposed to be working on an extra credit paper for school, not writing this post, but I felt it was important to share what has been going on. Also, I know that many of you know people who are on this crazy train with us and I hope you can reflect on our experience when talking with them or asking them how things are going. We are happy to talk with anyone about this process and the ups and downs, but we just need to take a minute to recover from this. As I have been writing I have been listening to my ipod and heard a song that I'm sure I've listened to hundreds of times, but the lyrics stuck with me and I want to share them.
"There will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears.
And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears.
Get over your hill and see what you find there, with grace in your heart and flowers in your hair."
~After the Storm by Mumford & Sons
We have learned a lot through this process - some of it good and some of it awful. Honestly, we have learned and experienced things I wish we had never been exposed to, but it is what it is and are where we are. I can say that I feel tremendously blessed to be married to Craig and to be surrounded by our family and friends. Craig isn't just an amazing human being and husband, he is so much more and will no doubt be an incredible dad. Everyday he shows me more love and compassion than I ever could have imagined possible and I look forward to sharing that with our future children.
Like I said, adoption isn't for the faint of heart and has challenged the strongest among us, but we'll realize our dream and we can't wait that share that with you too.
I could rehash all of the details for you, but that won't do anything to change the situation and it will certainly make me feel worse, not better. Instead, I would like to tell you all about the process of adoption: why it takes so long, why we rarely feel like we have any (good) news to share, and why it isn't a process for the faint of heart and will certainly challenge the strongest among us.
The process to get to the approval to put yourself out there to be matched with someone is long and arduous. We interviewed a number of agencies and decided to focus on Independent Adoption, so we hired an attorney. Then came the home-study. Luckily, we were able to work with an amazing social worker who made the process less scary. She ran an adoption agency for many years and is an adoptive mother herself, so she "gets it" and was great in guiding us along. The paperwork was lengthy, the interviews were intrusive and the waiting felt like an eternity - even though in reality it was just a few months. Once we got our approval we were able to start advertising. See "Pick Us, Pick Us" for more on that...
Once the approval came we posted our profile, started this blog, did our photo books and told everyone we know to tell everyone they know. Then the waiting began (and continues). For adoptions done through an agency, prospective adoptive parents have to do many of the same things. Regardless of how the advertising gets accomplished, we all end up waiting. Waiting for a call or an email or a text. Waiting for what I describe as "the most important interview of our lives".
Some people wait months, others wait for years, and then there is the group that it just doesn't ever happen for. I hope you can all understand why we often have no updates or cringe when asked, "Have you heard anything?" or "Hasn't anyone picked you yet?". Trust me, as slacky as I have been in updating this blog, you will all know when we become parents. If you don't hear us shouting it from the roof of the hospital, then you will certainly see an update pop up here!
The process is exhausting AND exhilarating, exciting AND nerve-wracking, emotional, stressful, and challenging. I think "challenging" may be the best descriptor. It has challenged our beliefs, our faith, our ability to trust people, my love for having control over my own life ;-), and our ability to see past the present. When we get a call we get a rush of adrenaline and if the conversation evolves into more we have to temper our excitement and hope with some reality. Unfortunately, there are many people who have no problem trying to scam or con potential adoptive parents. There are many things I could say about those people, but I will simply say that being that ill and/or cruel must make for a torturous life. A life that will never know joy, love or peace and for that, I pity them.
We were so sure of this situation that we bought plane tickets, started ordering furniture and had our families and close friends working busily away on projects. And not to mention our plans for the future for our new family. We know there are brighter days ahead and we know that we will be parents one day, we just have to get past this first.
I am supposed to be working on an extra credit paper for school, not writing this post, but I felt it was important to share what has been going on. Also, I know that many of you know people who are on this crazy train with us and I hope you can reflect on our experience when talking with them or asking them how things are going. We are happy to talk with anyone about this process and the ups and downs, but we just need to take a minute to recover from this. As I have been writing I have been listening to my ipod and heard a song that I'm sure I've listened to hundreds of times, but the lyrics stuck with me and I want to share them.
"There will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears.
And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears.
Get over your hill and see what you find there, with grace in your heart and flowers in your hair."
~After the Storm by Mumford & Sons
We have learned a lot through this process - some of it good and some of it awful. Honestly, we have learned and experienced things I wish we had never been exposed to, but it is what it is and are where we are. I can say that I feel tremendously blessed to be married to Craig and to be surrounded by our family and friends. Craig isn't just an amazing human being and husband, he is so much more and will no doubt be an incredible dad. Everyday he shows me more love and compassion than I ever could have imagined possible and I look forward to sharing that with our future children.
Like I said, adoption isn't for the faint of heart and has challenged the strongest among us, but we'll realize our dream and we can't wait that share that with you too.
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Have you heard anything yet??
Yeah, we really do keep getting that question. I have been asked FOUR times by bosses at work. I don't know how to answer without being a smarty-pants, so I've resorted to saying, "Well, I'm showing up here everyday and I don't have a baby strapped to my back so, no, we don't have a baby yet". Ironically, that response always gets a laugh, but my "mad-dog" glare does not. Weird, right?! On the other hand, Craig just takes the question in stride and politely tells people that we are hopeful and optimistic.
We're starting to feel like we are staring in a new Verizon commercial that's more about babies and less about cell phones. That being said, we're really looking forward to the day that people ask us silly questions and we can look at them whilst simultaneously pointing to our baby. We can dream, can't we?!
After our last post I was reminded of a couple gems I didn't post in the "Don't say this" category...
1. I don't believe in adoption. (YES, this was actually said to me and no, I don't know why)
2. Why don't you have kids yet? You've been married long enough to have a family.
3. You aren't getting any younger. (Thanks. We hadn't added age concerns to the equation)
In other news:
We (finally) finished our photo book and delivered it to our attorney. Yay for MS Publisher, Kinko's and a really smart friend/coworker who enjoys pointing out the obvious to me. (Thanks Lisa!!) We have had a couple contacts with people and our attorney is passing our info along so we are really hoping something comes about soon.
Keep your eyes open for a post that screams 'YES, WE'VE HEARD SOMETHING, now get ready to babysit' :-)
We're starting to feel like we are staring in a new Verizon commercial that's more about babies and less about cell phones. That being said, we're really looking forward to the day that people ask us silly questions and we can look at them whilst simultaneously pointing to our baby. We can dream, can't we?!
After our last post I was reminded of a couple gems I didn't post in the "Don't say this" category...
1. I don't believe in adoption. (YES, this was actually said to me and no, I don't know why)
2. Why don't you have kids yet? You've been married long enough to have a family.
3. You aren't getting any younger. (Thanks. We hadn't added age concerns to the equation)
In other news:
We (finally) finished our photo book and delivered it to our attorney. Yay for MS Publisher, Kinko's and a really smart friend/coworker who enjoys pointing out the obvious to me. (Thanks Lisa!!) We have had a couple contacts with people and our attorney is passing our info along so we are really hoping something comes about soon.
Keep your eyes open for a post that screams 'YES, WE'VE HEARD SOMETHING, now get ready to babysit' :-)
Sunday, March 13, 2011
Say This, Not That
Throughout this process Craig and I have heard many things from many people. Some have been heartfelt, supportive and loving ~ and we have truly appreciated each and every one of those comments. Others have landed somewhere between ridiculous, insensitive and down right hilarious. After speaking to many friends who have walked this path we decided we needed to create a post about the things people have said to us.
First, we want to be clear that we are happy to talk about our journey and the adoption process with anyone who wants to learn more or anyone who just needs some support with their own situation. That being said, please consult the list below if you aren't sure what to say to someone who proudly announces, "We're adopting!!"....or if you just want to laugh! We decided to keep the lists short, just in case we need to post "Say This, Not That - Part 2".
If you can't say something nice, then shut it:
1. Why don't you try harder for one of you own? (Please, someone tell us what the even means!)
2. Are you going to love it like it's your own? (Seriously??)
3. Are you going to get one that looks like you?
4. How much will the kid cost? (We're not buying a baby...just an FYI)
5. Who is broken? or What's wrong with you? (We have no idea, but is that really anybody's business?)
If you said one of the latter 5 to us, please know that we laughed about it and that we know it is all part of the process. And to everyone who has been excited and supportive, we thank you and we hope you keep the positivity coming! We are hoping that soon enough we'll be able to announce that we've adopted and then we can start the list of crazy things people say about your kids!
First, we want to be clear that we are happy to talk about our journey and the adoption process with anyone who wants to learn more or anyone who just needs some support with their own situation. That being said, please consult the list below if you aren't sure what to say to someone who proudly announces, "We're adopting!!"....or if you just want to laugh! We decided to keep the lists short, just in case we need to post "Say This, Not That - Part 2".
Yes please:
1. Congratulations! You'll be great parents!
2. That's great news!
3. I'm so excited for the two of you!
4. I'm so excited for the baby or babies! or That's going to be a lucky kid!
5. Let me know if I can help you at all. (This really means more than you think!)If you can't say something nice, then shut it:
1. Why don't you try harder for one of you own? (Please, someone tell us what the even means!)
2. Are you going to love it like it's your own? (Seriously??)
3. Are you going to get one that looks like you?
4. How much will the kid cost? (We're not buying a baby...just an FYI)
5. Who is broken? or What's wrong with you? (We have no idea, but is that really anybody's business?)
If you said one of the latter 5 to us, please know that we laughed about it and that we know it is all part of the process. And to everyone who has been excited and supportive, we thank you and we hope you keep the positivity coming! We are hoping that soon enough we'll be able to announce that we've adopted and then we can start the list of crazy things people say about your kids!
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